It was a search for a particular kind of beauty, a forbidden male beauty, a search full of desire and danger. The danger was all in my closeted mind. Art was the subterfuge, the legitimising of my action. The camera between us made the action safe. I don’t know what private thoughts my subject had of the process. I dare not ask.
Then I came out. I found I could take photos freely, really about anything I wanted. Yes, I became liberated. Yes, my subjects knew my intentions. The excitement of the forbidden was replaced by a delirium of openness, although to be honest the taboo of the previous, closeted activity was more exciting.